Pope admits ‘Actually I am the Antichrist’
At a press conference in Rome this morning, Pope Benedict XVI has officially confessed that persistent rumours that he and most of his predecessors are Antichrist are in fact true. This shock revelation vindicates centuries of campaigning by evangelical groups in the US and Northern Ireland.
It has emerged that for at least five hundred years successive popes have all been working behind the veil of holiness to further the purposes of Satan on Earth. When this began is uncertain, though historians agree that it must have been before the time of Alexander II Borgia, whose pathological feasting, gambling and whoring are now seen as classic examples of displacement activity by a man who could not come to terms with his dual role.
Protestants from Cromwell to Ian Paisley have consistently asserted that the Bishop of Rome was the human personification of Satan, but now the present incumbent has finally put his hands up and declared ‘Yup, fair cop, you’ve got me banged to rights.’
Benedict apologised ‘whole-heartedly’ to Catholics across the world for having pretended to be the Vicar of Christ when in fact he consorted nightly with the hell-born spawn of Beelzebub. However, he insisted he had not known the truth until shortly after his election as Pope in April 2005. ‘I was stunned when the Keeper of the Keys told me this in a private briefing – it certainly isn’t what I came into the priesthood to do. I thought I was one of the good guys’ said the German-born pontiff and former Hitler Youth member. ‘But there’s no way to resign from the post and, well, I assumed if it was OK for the great John Paul II, it must be OK for a humble tiller in the fields of the Lord like me.’
In his early days, Benedict said, he was amused to see even non-Catholic MEPs rise up in anger when the Reverend Ian Paisley denounced him as Antichrist in Strasbourg. ‘I stood there thinking, if only you knew,’ he said. ‘But really I was a complete fraud and I’m glad that it’s all out in the open at last. Life-long celibacy is bad enough, but kissing the anuses of demons every night … eeeww…’
What a life we live in, Illuminati,just...
ReplyDeleteYEAH thats soo confusing.. tumuamini nani....
ReplyDeleteGod help this world
ReplyDeletePlease... like he'd admit it! This is FAKE NEWS.
ReplyDeleteThe anti-christ will never admit to being the one. And where did you get this information from? Do you have a youtube link to this so called "press-conference"? Or maybe the person translating what the pope was saying misunderstood?
ReplyDeleteYou are your own church defined by your faith. i was a catholic and something just came upon me that that was not the right church for me. WHERE DO THE SACRAMENTS COME FROM, AND WHAT ARE THEY? i completely lost my faith in the catholic church when i came to think of this even deeper.
ReplyDeleterumor mongers!
ReplyDeletegive us the you tube link or send it to media newsrooms if its true..
only God knows the truth
ReplyDeletestop being stupid:thz is propaganda...the illuminati av tried to infitrate vatican but failed,lately they recruited the popes buttler bt was caught stealing religious material...n if u ask where the sacraments come from,u should av known ur faith deeper than jumping churches....
ReplyDeleteOOH MEN ARE YOU A LIAR OR WHAT???
ReplyDeleteall this should be Nairobi today full of lies.Read at your own risk...
ReplyDelete