THOSE WHO DIE HAIR FOR POLITICAL VICTORY.. am watching them...

White hair used to be a symbol of wisdom. But with the majority of the voting population now comprising of youths, politicians can only interpret it as a symbol of imminent electoral loss.

A foreign investor has identified that weakness. Now, local politicians no longer need to apply black shoe polish on their hair to look younger; there will soon be locally manufactured hair dye at a supermarket near you. This will be especially great news for those long serving politicians who are looking to retire from active politics for a well-deserved snooze in the Senate.

Viagra

The hair dye investors describe the hair dye as the ‘Viagra’ of politics:

“It will resuscitate flagging careers. Men and women who were thought to be past their sell by date can now get back into the game!” the investors said in a signed press statement.

Though anyone who wishes to have perfectly black hair can also use the product, the investors have set their targets firmly on the political class. Their timing is also strategic, with the investors fully aware that the campaign season is when their product is needed most and will thus be able to capture a ready market.

The trend of politicians wanting to look younger than they really are, which dates back to years even before former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi came onto the scene, has even caught the attention of social scientists.

Palm reader

One such scholar admits that it is actually possible to forecast the price, in terms of votes, that a single strand of white hair can cost a politician.

“It’s a more scientific method and it beats going to a palm reader to have your fortune told,” says the scientist.

If everything goes according to plan for the hair dye manufacturers, it is expected that on the official day of presentation of nomination papers to the election commissioners, the offices of the electoral body will hold the highest number of heads per square kilometre with perfectly black hair. And who knows. This might even get an entry into the Guinness Book of World Records.